Before becoming a counselor, I never really thought about the word stuffing except for in the context of Thanksgiving Dinner. We had all types of stuffings from cornbread to oysters. I can smell them and taste them just while typing this. That feeling you get when you take a bite of a family recipe passed on from generation to generation. It’s a feeling of warmth, fullness, and flavor! If only we could experience those same feelings when we “stuff” our emotions.
In the moment of experiencing stuffing (whether eating Thanksgiving stuffing or stuffing our emotions), we feel good. However when we participate in too much stuffing, we end up not feeling well. It is almost as if stuffing always comes back to bite us.
How do we combat stuffing our emotions? By inviting them in like you do your family on Thanksgiving! If you just sit and think about it for a second, is stuffing your emotions really feeling them? No. They become like that drunk uncle who on Thanksgiving is constantly talking about politics and sports over and over every year. Inviting your emotions in and sitting with them allows you to feel them. When you allow yourself to feel the emotions, you are allowing yourself to acknowledge that you are in control, and that it is okay that you feel that way.
This method can be boiled down to three steps: 1. Name it, 2. Claim it, & 3. Tame it.
Step 1: Name it!
What emotion am I currently feeling? If you are struggling to identify the emotions, I suggest you utilize the Feelings Wheel to help aid with this.
Step 2: Claim it!
Whatever it is you are feeling, I want you to say “I am feeling _____, and it is okay!” Claiming that you are feeling the emotion helps you feel less shame. It shows you that emotions are going to happen, and that is okay!
Step 3: Tame it!
I love this step because Step 1 & 2 build up to Step 3. This is the ultimate step that you are in control, and honestly, sometimes this could be the scariest step. How does one tame an emotion? My favorite way of doing this is my emotion as an object. For this example, I will use my dog, Gatsby. I imagine my emotion is Gatsby, and I imagine picking Gatsby up and hugging him tight. As the dog might become squirmy, I am still in control by holding him and hugging him, and when I am ready to let go of him, I put him back on the ground and let him be.
Taming your emotion does not have to be as detailed as that imagery. It can be as simple as “I am going to allow myself to feel ___ for 3 minutes and then I am going to get back to work.” In this example, you would set a timer for 3 minutes or your phone and just sit with the emotion and then move on after the timer goes off.
Remember: Whenever you feel like stuffing, try to do the opposite. Name the Emotion, Claim the Emotion, and Tame the Emotion! Save the stuffing for Thanksgiving. You’ve got this!
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